Empathy, Compassion, and Love Like the Trinity

This post is not about snow.

Our elderly neighbor, Miss H., waved from her mailbox across the street. We decided to stop over real quick before heading out to the grocery store.

“It’s going to snow tonight!” my 5 year old informed her with a smile on her face.

Miss H.’s eyes wrinkled, “Oh,” she said, “I don’t like the snow much. It’s difficult for me to get out for my mail.” She shifted her weight on her cane. My kids, undeterred, regaled her with stories about their favorite snow day activities.

We piled into the car and headed to the grocery store to join all the other before-the-storm shoppers. It was a flurry of busy people and long lines, but thank goodness they still had milk.

The sky was blue-grey and the smell of snow was in the air. I rubbed my hands together as I loaded the groceries into the car. All the kids finally buckled, we pulled into the turning lane to exit the parking lot.

There was a man standing on the corner, sign in hand: “homeless, hungry, anything helps,” scrawled across it.

I put the car in park, opened the door, and stepped out. “Is food okay?” I asked as I handed him a box of granola bars.

I shook his hand and he held on. “Yes, thank you so much.”

“It’s going to snow,” I was concerned. His jacket was thin, and the temperature was dropping.

“I’m just trying to get some cash so I can catch a bus outta here. I want to get to the shelter before it hits.” Which would be in like an hour.

“What’s your name, can I pray for you?”

“Please, yes please. Please pray for me. Thank you.”

The groceries were unloaded and the first snowflake danced down from the sky. My kids saw it and squealed.


They were bundled up and out the door in a flash. They swirled the gathering dusting across the front step. They scraped their shovels across the white-tipped grass.

They were in heaven. They stayed out there past sunset, reveling in the first snowfall of the season. Their joy was uninhibited by the cold and dark.

My husband let out a sigh: “Should I start shoveling tonight, or wait till the morning when it’s done coming down?”

This Post is Not About Snow

This post is not about snow.

It’s about people.

And about our unique responses to the same things.

See, I didn’t have an outlook on the snow. No positive or negative reactions. It was simply coming, and I was simply preparing. Making a to-do list and working my way through it.

But in the course of a day, I met with four different people, with four different reactions to the snow.

One elderly lady was worried.

One homeless man was anxious and desperate.

Three young kids were over the moon with joy.

One man was inconvenienced.

The snow was just… snow. Part of the natural world, created by God. It happens. It has no motive, no agenda. It’s not out to get us, and it’s not anxious to please us.

But the way we experience it can be radically different from one person to the next.

As I looked around, I realized my neutrality was a blessing. I had a great opportunity here to enter into the experiences of others.

Compassion, Empathy, and Love Like the Trinity

Empathy – To Suffer With

Empathy means to suffer with. When we have empathy, we allow ourselves to feel the emotions of others. We don’t just look at it, but we take it to heart.

Their suffering becomes my suffering.

Their joy becomes my joy.

With empathy, I live in their shoes. I feel their pain and sorrow. I feel their excitement and anticipation. I allow their emotions to become my emotions.

The reality is, we won’t all feel the same way about things. Weather, food, politics, news. It hits us all different ways, because its effects are different in each of our lives.

We all have different responsibilities, different needs, different tools and capabilities. We all have our unique strengths and weaknesses.

Something that may be a blessing in one person’s life may be a true hardship to another.

As I looked around at the people surrounding me, and their varied reactions to the snow, I realized this is a universal phenomenon. It’s everywhere and all the time.

A pregnancy test elicits the thrill of pleasure and the grip of fear.

A new job offers the joy of advancement, and the sorrow of a move.

A death of a loved one may open the doorway to heaven for them, while leaving a void of loss in our hearts.

And it’s not a question about which response is the right response. All of them are true. All of them are human. And all of them are an invitation to love and be loved.

Can we put our joy aside for a second to enter into someone’s sorrow?

Can we leave our cares at the door to share in someone’s joy?

Can we give them the gift of understanding, of unity, of letting them know they’re not alone?

Empathy calls us to do that. To worry about ice with the elderly neighbor. To be anxious about finding a warm safe place with the homeless man. To smile and laugh with the kids as the snow begins to fall. To commiserate with the husband about added responsibilities.

Empathy allows me to be drawn in to share in their life and their experiences in a very intimate way. It takes their emotions for my own.

Compassion – To Come Alongside

Compassion means to come alongside someone in their suffering. To allow myself to hurt with them. And mostly, to desire to alleviate their suffering.

Compassion gives us a fix-it attitude. It wants to lend a hand. It does what it can to make the suffering more bearable, to take it away if we can.

Compassion prompts me to send a sympathy card or a bouquet of flowers. It challenges me to give my time, to lend a hand. It asks of me. It demands that I act.

Can you give up your cozy morning to get out in the cold and get your neighbor’s mail for her? Will you stand in her doorway, your breath puffing from your mouth in the icy air, waiting for her to shuffle her way down the steps?

Will you do this to calm her fears?

Can you spare ten dollars for the man on the street corner? Will you give up your cup of coffee, your date night, your pizza delivery for him? Can you forsake the small comforts you cling to, in order to help him provide for his basic needs?

Will you do this to ease his anxiety?

Can you spare ten minutes to go outside and pelt snowballs at your kids? Will you abandon all reserve and flop in the snow, waving your arms and legs to create the biggest snow angel they’ve ever seen?

Will you do this to preserve their joy?

Can you make your husband his cup of coffee? Will you lend a hand with the chores? Can your small actions help him shoulder the added burdens of the day?

Will you do this to assuage his irritation?

Love Like the Trinity

Together, compassion and empathy call me to imitate Christ in his relationship to the trinity.

In the beginning was the Word,
and the Word was with God,
and the Word was God.

John 1:1

Compassion reminds me to come alongside the other.

Empathy allows me to put myself in their place emotionally.

With them. And one with them. In the Trinitarian love, the three persons are distinct, but they are united. They are in constant companionship with each other, and they are one with each other. It’s a mystery.

But we can enter into it.

We can take on the emotions of our neighbor. We can come alongside our neighbor. We can help our neighbor.

We can love them.

We can understand that we’re all different, unique. That our experiences separate us and define us. But that they also unite us, through the opportunity to step out of ourselves and take on the emotions of the other.

Look for God in the People Around You

Look around you.

Find someone who’s opinions, reactions, emotions, or feelings are different from yours.

Can you love them?

Can you practice empathy, feel their emotions? Can you allow yourself to suffer with them? Can you reach out and try to ease their pain?

Let your love for them become more perfect.

Let your love for them be more like the Trinity, today.

Unite yourself to them in empathy. Be with them in compassion.

See God there.

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That Song is Heretical – Should Catholics Listen to “Christian Music”?

5 Steps to Help Catholics Discern Whether to Listen to Christian Music.

My husband walked into the living room, stood there for a minute, then interrupted me mid-lip-sync with, “That song is heretical.

Dude. Thank you for ruining my Jeremy Camp dance party.

I loved the tune, and the words flowed, so I had cranked up “Same Power” to help make the cooking and sweeping and more pleasant.

Hey, it’s Christian music. Better than all the pop garbage I could be listening to. How bad can it be?

As I stood there, staring at my husband with open mouth, wrinkled forehead and upturned palms, I reluctantly realized: he had a good point. Continue reading “That Song is Heretical – Should Catholics Listen to “Christian Music”?”

Beautiful Scripture Journals for Catholic Women

This post contains Amazon affiliate links. If you buy through these links, I get a small percentage at no extra cost to you. Stay Connected: about the journals, giveaway, and exciting news!

I just joined my first Bible study ever this fall, and I’m hooked.

I’ve got a go-to group of friends! Which is super exciting, because I’m finally getting settled in our new town and it’s time to be building that connection.

We aren’t all in the same place, and that’s a good thing. I love meeting the established moms who have so much wisdom and encouragement. And the moms on the same page as me who can fist bump to my unkempt hair and slightly frazzled entrances into a room.

But we all have something in common: we love Jesus. Continue reading “Beautiful Scripture Journals for Catholic Women”

Behold the Lamb of God: My Favorite Part of Mass

“Look, Mom,” my 6yo Son, Hero, whisper-exclaims as he snuggles into my arm, “It’s your favorite part of Mass!”

The priest elevates the host, proclaiming, “Behold the Lamb of God! Behold him who takes away the sins of the world.”

That part of Mass gets me every time. Continue reading “Behold the Lamb of God: My Favorite Part of Mass”

Meditation: It’s a Hard Time to be Catholic

Staying Faithful to the Church through Scandal

I hate it.

I hate that the people who were supposed to be leading the faithful to Jesus have hurt them. Abused them.

I hate that so many of our priests and bishops have put such a stumbling block in the path of our trust in the Church.

It’s a hard time to be Catholic. Continue reading “Meditation: It’s a Hard Time to be Catholic”

It Still Hurts – A Story of Temporary Secondary Infertility

About this time last year I found out I was pregnant with our fourth child.

Since I was at the tail end of treatment for depression, my doctor let me instantly wean off my meds. Morning sickness plus the awful disorienting feeling I experienced from quitting antidepressants was a rough combination.

But it was welcome suffering compared to the pain of waiting for a child that would not come. Continue reading “It Still Hurts – A Story of Temporary Secondary Infertility”

#MyMassTakeaway: A Thorn in My Side

Today’s the 14th Sunday in Ordinary Time.

Find the Mass Readings here: 14th Sunday in Ordinary Time, July 8, 2018 Continue reading “#MyMassTakeaway: A Thorn in My Side”

A Charism of Hospitality and Unbelievable Apple Crisp Muffins

A recipe for the best muffins ever, and a reflection on charisms to go with it.

Well, we did it.

We made the big move. Thankfully, we had a plethora of family and friends available to help us over the weekend.

On Saturday, everyone got together at our old apartment and helped us load the moving truck. You should have seen it, we got the job done in 2 hours. I couldn’t believe how quickly it went.

Then on Sunday, we hit the early Mass, and a caravan of cars made the drive to our rental house. We unloaded the truck, put everything in the right rooms, and even assembled beds and got furniture set up.

By the end of the day, our house felt like home. Continue reading “A Charism of Hospitality and Unbelievable Apple Crisp Muffins”

Finding Jesus in a Springtime Walk

A meditation on discovering God through nature.

I pull the laces tight on my sneakers and stretch my legs for a springtime walk in the woods.

As I follow the dirt path, hard packed by many feet before me, I keep my eyes fixed downward to avoid tripping.

My focus is on the path before me. Bumps and twists fill my view. Rocks crop up out of the ground, threatening to stub my toes. Continue reading “Finding Jesus in a Springtime Walk”

Family Move? How to Pray the Joyful Mysteries

A meditation on the Joyful Mysteries of the Holy Rosary for a family who will be moving soon.

We’re counting down the days until the big move.

Everyone has something to be excited for: a new job, a new house, a lovely yard, and a welcoming neighborhood. We have an ice cream store and a beach right down the road. Five plus parishes to choose from.

But the upheaval in our life is undeniable. We’re all feeling the stress of moving away from family and friends. The house is a mess. And our emotions can be even messier. Continue reading “Family Move? How to Pray the Joyful Mysteries”