Hey there, husbands and wives. You should pray before sex.
Hey, Sara. You’re nuts. That’s awkward and weird.
I know. Do it anyway. It changed my (sex) life and it will change yours.
Okay, well… how?
I’ll tell you how. Beware: you might blush.
Jesus: Pray. Me: yeah-NO.
I was about four months postpartum after Baby #2. My oldest was not even 2 years old yet, and it was difficult to have them both attached to me all day long.
It was hard to adjust from meeting the needs of just one toddler to meeting the needs of two tiny humans. And, oh yeah, my husband still wanted to have sex once in a while.
But I was all touched out. Maxed out. I was meeting everybody else’s needs, but somehow not my own. The last thing in the world that I wanted was to get all hands-on with my husband.
I wanted to be able to think. To be able to pray. I craved a spiritual connection that was being suffocated by all the physical needs of my family.
I needed me some Jesus.
So I took off for a quick Adoration visit. And I sat there complaining to God about how drained my body was. About how little I wanted to be intimate with my husband. About how I didn’t want to let him down, but I needed something… different. Something more. I needed to connect on other levels.
Jesus prompted me:
Me: Sure, we do that every day.
Jesus: No. PRAY. Tonight. Before you have sex.
Me: yeahhhh-NO. I’m not about to hop out of bed mid-deed and say a Rosary.
Jesus: No, nothing like that. Pray like this…
Jesus gave me the what. He gave me the when. But it still took me a while to get on board. It was another two months before I finally gathered the courage to bring up the awkward topic with my husband.
Let’s do this THANGG
“I want to try something new.” That sounded like an exciting way to bring up the topic.
My husband, God bless him, was all-ears. And to my great surprise, he didn’t laugh in my face the way I’d laughed in God’s. We decided we’d give this prayer-before-sex thing a try. And if it made things too awkward, we’d stop.
So when exactly should we pray?
Well, you know. Whatever. Maybe when things start to get exciting. When we know this is more than a goodnight kiss. When we know we’re all-in. But… before the show is over.
Okay, I got another bright idea. “How about you lead the prayer? And we can say it whenever you decide.”
I was all done being brave. I brought up the idea, and now I was passing the torch. He agreed to lead the prayer. sigh of relief. Just one more thing…
How exactly should we pray?
That part is easy. God inspired me how…
That spicy-hot prayer
You know what call-and-response is, right? The leader says something real quick and then the… responder, I guess… says a response. Like this:
V. The Lord be with you
R. And with your spirit.
V. The Word of the Lord
R. Thanks be to God.
Yeah let’s pray like that.
So I gave my husband his part of the prayer to memorize, and I had mine, and we practiced a few times. Then we took a break until…
…later on that evening.
The implementation was perfect. We didn’t need to interrupt our embrace. We didn’t need to climb out of bed. We didn’t need to get down on our knees.
We just prayed the words like they belonged:
V. Holy Spirit fill us with Your love
R. And grant us holy union.
Proceed as usual…
It was so simple and easy. After we got into the habit of praying this way, it even became a comfortable and familiar part of our routine.
And it changed everything.
Sex became holy
Sure, at first it was slightly awkward. But as this practice grew in our lives, so did God’s grace.
Sex between husband and wife is the ultimate expression of their love. It’s a physical sign of the covenant between them. And it’s a beautiful reflection of God’s own love.
God’s love in the Trinity is fruitful and alive. It’s perfect in its giving. And it’s so real it exists as a whole nother person: the Holy Spirit.
So when we say the prayer, “Holy Spirit fill us with Your love,” we’re asking to share in a part of God’s divine love.
We’re asking Him to give us His very love. His perfect, living, giving love. To help us love each other this same way. And to help us receive each other’s love fully.
We’re asking God to pour out His infinite love to fill our finite mortal vessels at the very moment we offer ourselves in love to each other.
And then with the response, “And grant us holy union,” we ask God to give us – not only His love, but also His unity.
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, three separate persons, are united in one Divinity. They act in perfect harmony. They are one God. One Being. They can never be separated.
This is what we ask of God through our marital embrace. That He unite us so closely that we’re no longer two – but one. And not just figuratively or romantically, but in truth and reality.
We ask God to give us a holy union that resembles His own. A union we can’t achieve by ourselves. A union that lasts a lifetime, through good and bad, richer and poorer, for better and for worse.
A union that can’t be broken apart as long as we live.
All that, packed into 4 quick seconds of sexy prayer.
I challenge you
This prayer was the missing link for me. It was the spiritual connection I needed with my husband and with God.
The combination of God’s grace plus an added dimension of intentionality that it introduced into our relationship had a huge impact. We began to treat sex as something more. Something holy. Something that satisfied more than just the physical needs of our relationship.
It became a spiritually bonding act. And emotionally, that’s what I needed. I needed that higher level of connection. I needed to know that I was made for more than pouring out my energy into meeting the physical needs of my family. I needed to know that this was all for a greater purpose. It all had a deeper significance.
And this one little prayer made that transformation for me.
If you don’t already pray before sex, I’m issuing the challenge right now. Have the conversation with your spouse. Memorize the prayer, or make up your own. Take the leap of faith.
Give it a try.
This prayer will change your (sex) life.
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